The Party Freaks: We all know these types of people, their lives revolve around partying. They are either club boys or club girls organizing one party or the other, they are the ones who are in charge or the TurnUp TGIF ministries and in my opinion they are the best roommates ever cuz they are ever lively jovial and ready to take you to fun places, they are the happening people.
The Junkies: These are the stoners and alcohol addicts. They drink to everything, ‘oh nepa just took the light, lets drink to that’. ‘tommorrow is Friday, lets drink to that too’, ‘they’ve increased the price of chicken and chips, lets drink to that also’. You’ll see em in dark corners of the hostel smoking away their sorrows with bloodshot eyes.
The Slut/Manwhore: You must have at least one of em in your room, every night you will see them going out toasting one babe or the other. Their headquarters is newhall. Everybody knows who they are and have probably had a fling with them in the past.
The Amebors: They are upto date on the word on the street. They are gossip mongers always talking about other peoples lives.
The S.U’s: These are the pastors and imams. All they ever talk about is religion, it is impossible to have a normal conversation with them without them trying to insert religion into it. Me: ‘oh pastor John I’m hungry and I think I want to eat bread this morning’,.. John: That’s a good idea but have you tired a different kind of bread that’ll forever fill you up, it is the bread of life and it is the word of God’. You’ll see them doing religious arguments about why this church is better than that and why the divil is a douchebag. These people are always in the church or mosque doing one activity or the other, they judge others and they always have this holier than thou attitude.
The Nerds: These people don’t have a life, they are somewhat like SU’s but the reason I divided them is that not all SU’s get good grades. The life of a nerd is quite boring, they don’t have a social life and their boring life revolves around their hostels, the library/reading room and the class. And for some reason I can’t explain these people have a dead fashion sense and the annoying part is that they don’t even make an effort to change their fashion sense, even people in the 70’s dress better than them.
The Money Bags: These are the kids born with a silver shovel in their mouth, they spend lavishly buying the latest designer shoes wristwatches and gadgets always dressing to kill. Most of them have poise rides although they are on this trip to find themselves, they are really just traveling on their parents’ money. Then there are some who seem like rich kids but don’t be fooled, it is just packaging.
The ‘I JUST DEY OBSERVE’: They are somewhat loners with a few set of boring friends. Most times they are introverts and they never contribute to discussions, all they ever do is nod and smile and you just can’t quite figure them out. Like the SU’s they also judge people.
The Famzers/Clingers: These are the people who enjoy clinching to other people, they are parasites and their hosts are mostly the party freaks and the money bags. It’s not that they are poor, they just like to attach to other people.
The Phone Addicts: Always on their phone pinging someone or talking to someone, You cannot have a 3 minute conversation with them without them pressing their phone every ten seconds. You see them walking on the road and pressing their phones, in class too its the same thing, everywhere you see them they are always pressing their phones.
The Slobs: slob, noun (informal)
a person who is lazy and has low standards of cleanliness.
“He’s a slob and expects others to clean up after him”
Synonyms: sluggard, pigs, elede, Tonto Dikeh, Dirty Animal
The Touts/Thugs: They are found mainly in male hostels but some female hostels have touts and thugs too *coughs* Makama and MTH. These people are the people from mushin who were lucky enough to get admission into Unilag (through runz of course) and they refuse to change their street ways. They are razz people who listen to Fuji music, always ready to fight with weapons and they are somewhat bullies. It is rumored that most female touts in Unilag went to Queens College.
The Pepperless Butter Children: These people are the naïve people who haven’t seen life, basically they are people who belong in covenant and babcock but found themselves in Unilag. Don’t be misled just because a person is called butty doesn’t mean the person is overly rich. Butty people are the people who were over pampered and have no iota of street in them, most of these people don’t stay in the hostel except a few.
Bonus: The Faggots/Lesbians: For the Faggots their natural habitat is Mariere, and for the females their where about is unknown but we know they are everywhere trying to steal your girlfriend from you. The Mariere faggots don’t even code themselves anymore, gone are the days when being a fag was a shameful thing, now they walk in packs like animals and almost every evening they gather around for their regular Beyonce acappella skits. They are very easy to spot, they walk like fags, talk like fags and some even dress like fags. Be careful, these fags are rich and they will give you stuff and make you comfortable around them and before you know it you would be a part of their nightly beyonce accapela band. You know how mermaids are, we know they exist but we never see them, that’s the way the lesbians are in UNILAG. We all know they exist but we are yet to catch a live one.